I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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