Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm too high and old for this...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
