we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize