I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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