we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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