just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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