Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
