I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
