hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
