I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
