You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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