I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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