I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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