return my video game
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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