babies were throwing up all over the place
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
