honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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