How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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