Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
