I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just want to make out with him forever
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
