I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
