Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
