So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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