the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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