If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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