Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
