My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
