Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
