Someone shit on the floor
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
