We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
