I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
