Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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