I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
