My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
