there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
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anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
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We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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