I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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