Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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