Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
did i walk over a car last night?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
