I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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