Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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