Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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