I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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