I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
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I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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