Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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