i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize