his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
