i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize