I could make wine with my vomit
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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