It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
They have beer where we have blood.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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