please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
