im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
