hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
