I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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