i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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