I wish I could teleport
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
