I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
