Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
