do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
In America we eat man semen.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
