you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
