9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
