I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
