best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
