Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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