You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
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I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
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Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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